Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Thorn In My Side

Reflecting on 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 this week has shed some light on this continued process of fertility treatments.  In this letter to the Corinthians, Paul was presenting his credentials because he was trying to reestablish his credibility and his authority that false teachers had tried to destroy.  In this letter Paul says:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Paul never defines exactly what the thorn in his flesh actually is.  Commentaries suggest it could be anything from malaria, epilepsy, Jewish persecution, or even a speech impediment.  The fact is that it was something that affected his ministry, it was given to him by God (through Satan), and it forced him to rely on Christ.  Well, as I have shared in previous blogs, this struggle with infertility has affected my ministry with other women, I believe it is under the control of our sovereign God, and it most certainly has made me more dependent on Christ.

So, as part of “my thorn” of infertility I have begun daily injections.  And, for the sake of a good laugh I thought I would share so please feel free make fun of me all you want after reading this.  When I went to the doctor on May 18th they said that I should begin the injections that night. So to begin, let me explain that I have an irrational fear of needles.  No really, please understand me, I really do have an IRRATIONAL FEAR of needles! Up until last fall I still cried when I got shots.  After all the blood work I had to go through I got over that pretty quick.  Nurses can prick me with just about anything at this point, that's not a problem. But the fact that I have to prepare the medicine, fill the syringe, and actually give it to myself really was freaking me out! 

That first night, it took me 45 minutes to actually get it done.  I would get ready to give myself the shot and I would count aloud, "One … Two…" and then yell, "Ahhh, I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it."  This didn't just happen once, but over and over again. Next, I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t going to be any worse than a pinch.  So I started pinching myself on the arm to psyche myself up.  It still didn’t work.  Later, I realized that my mind was playing tricks on me.  I would look down at the needle that was only and inch and a half long in reality and in my eyes would see it as 8 inches long.  I really believed that it was going to go straight through me or at least puncture some vital organ. Finally after some tears, praying, singing a few hymns, and reciting scripture, Josh was able to give me the shot.  My husband showed me so much grace and love although I was acting like a baby.  Since then, my heart has been much better (even thought the shots are still pretty painful).  Josh is graciously still giving me the injections every night so thank the Lord for my amazing husband.  And although I have lots of little bruises all over my tummy, my doctor visits are going really well.  They can tell the injections are gradually regulating out my hormones!  Yeah!  So, like Paul, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, hardships, and difficulties, because God gives me the strength to endure so He can get all the glory!

3 comments:

  1. I'm glad your levels are looking good! You are definitely in my prayers and I love you!!

    Julie Wright

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  2. I'm so glad you're having positive results! I've been praying for you a lot this week!

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  3. I love the way you are so open with your life. I hope the injections get easier. You and Josh are in my prayers daily. Jennie

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